Easy to please?
Have you ever got annoyed at a scenario like this…
You are driving along, and there is a car waiting to turn. It looks like they've been waiting a while, and you can do something about it. It's your right of way, so you slow down, flash your lights, and let them out #altruism
They pull out, and you feel immediate joy about the great deed you did... but then it strikes… they don't acknowledge your kind gesture!
Now you are fuming.
“Don't say thanks then! That is just ungrateful...!”
*Puts 2 fingers up with futility at the back of a passing car*
You have a very aggressive one-sided conversation with yourself about how rude that person was, and how it doesn't take much to be polite.
The truth is in this transaction you got annoyed about doing a good deed. And unfortunately, if we are being honest... you only have yourself to blame. (I’m sorry but you do.)
Now, I’m not saying don’t be kind. Far from it, random acts of kindness are my thing for sure. But the way you just spoke to yourself (or have subsequently vented anyone who will listen) has done nothing more than continue the misery.
Imagine the worst...
Think about it, when this kind of thing happens we often jump to a conclusion that suits your judge. But what else could have been true?
They didn't see you
They have other things on their mind and weren't thinking
They have screaming kids in the back stressing them out!
They are all perfectly good reasons for them not reciprocating with thanks, but you will never know.
The Pleaser saboteur can appear in all sorts of ways. Acts of kindness can be a real strength of character. But stay with the Pleaser too long and it can bring negativity, contempt, and ultimately push others away from you.
My friend Steve Chapman coined a lovely phrase... "Just for nice". For me this means...
I'm doing something just because I want to.
Because it's a nice thing to do.
Because I absolutely do not want anything in return.
I’ve spent a long time working on my Saboteurs through my daily Mental Fitness app. I’ve managed to catch my pleaser early and turn it into “Just For Nice”.
If you find yourself getting annoyed at holding doors for people, try to remember as you go into any act of kindness... "Maybe this could be Just for Nice!"
(No feelings were hurt during the making of this article - especially if you don’t get back to me and tell me how helpful it was 😉)
If you would like help with your judge and saboteurs why not sign up for my 6-week Program?